ON DISCERNMENT AND SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE: A REFLECTION INSPIRED FROM REAL LIFE INCIDENT

I was just a ten-year-old boy when I first requested a nun to let me become an altar boy. I was sad and sought help from my parents. They told me, “To enter the altar is like stepping into God’s own personal holy room.” And thus, it presented a challenge for me to prepare myself for the altar service: firstly, by obeying my parents, and secondly, by attending the Eucharist regularly. I had resolved to prove myself eligible to become an altar boy and passionately fulfilled the prerequisites. It was on a Sunday Mass when I was surprisingly called by the parish priest into the sacristy to dress up for the altar service. I was astonished and curiosity provoked asked the P.P. again. He happily welcomed me for the task. It was just a dream come true. This incident sowed the seed of vocation in my life and gradually made me aspire not to just remain an altar server but to become a priest and offer Holy Mass.

In this process, many thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ideas were involved. Having gone through various experiences, I realized that my journey from the altar service to my present-day reality has been a constant process of discernment. Before joining the seminary, I was warned that it would be quite hard for me to become a priest, but I resolved to go ahead. There were times when I failed to cope with the seminary schedule and was reluctant to make adjustments. Even while participating in scheduled prayers, personally praying, and being aware of my parents’ constant prayers; I still had struggles with this sort of life. In the course of time, as I grew and became aware of my feelings and inclinations; I was upset, felt guilty, and counted myself unworthy of this call. Nevertheless, it was my then Spiritual Director who helped me with the strong motivation drawn from the Holy Bible, which says— “when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Cor 12:10). And this word of God motivated me with an illuminating insight to rely on God’s providence than on one’s own strengths.

Discernment and Spiritual Direction: Two Sides of a Coin

This real-life story of mine sets a solid ground in my personal endeavor to get to the nuances of proper discernment and spiritual direction. However, my experiences intend to define discernment as an ongoing process of hearing a deeper sound beneath the noise of everyday life and seeing the invisible interconnectedness of God who is at work in my life, so that I might live a life worthy of Him. According to my understanding, spiritual discernment would mean opening one’s own heart to the desire of God for me and allowing Him to take control of my thoughts, words, actions, and eventually of my whole being. This would never mean shrugging off my responsibility to be careful and blaming God for all my failures; rather, it should instill in me a sense of spiritual capacity in distinguishing between good and evil, right and wrong. And this sort of spiritual discernment can be developed by a strong prayer life and deep connection with God, opening oneself to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

While going through the notes from ‘Gaudete et Exsultate,’ a question was triggered in my mind: ‘How do our thoughts get contaminated while discerning between God’s will and self-reference?’ I feel that if I place my full trust in God and allow Him to guide every step that I take, only then will there be greater possibilities for me to attain a peaceful state and avoid external influences which would otherwise corrupt my mind in looking to God’s providence. Pondering over the words of Fr. George Elliott, I draw three main principles appropriate for the process of discernment:

1. Being one’s real self

2. Integrated Holiness as a means to sound discernment

3. Cultivating God’s consciousness through a strong prayer life

In a nutshell, these principles illustrate the path through which God leads us—not to destroy us, but to teach us about our true identity, as those created in His image and likeness (Gen 1:26-27), whose sole purpose is to love and serve Him. My humble self has always acknowledged what God has done and is doing in my life. This feeling of admiration is made solid in the words of the Psalmist: ‘I will give thanks to the Lord with all my heart; I will tell of all His wonderful deeds’ (Ps 9:1). As I reflect upon the dimensions of discernment, I realize the significant role of Spiritual Direction. This entails the unfolding of God’s will which prompts me to be attentive and vigilant in responding to God’s Spirit in all deeds of mine. While reading through Fr. Joe Mannath’s article on Spiritual Direction, a few questions arose in my mind:

1. How can I find a suitable person for my spiritual companionship?

2. What qualities must he or she have for this role?

3. Should I be confident in sharing all that troubles me internally?

4. In a state of self-righteous boasting, how do I become humble in learning God’s signs through some genuine guidance?

5. Finally, how can this process of Spiritual Direction become convenient for me so as to be considered a soul-nourishing and God-revealing experience, rather than merely being a routine formality?

These questions, however, remind me of the woman who just touched the fringe of Jesus’ cloak and was instantly healed, and of Bartemaeus who called to Jesus to have mercy on him and was healed. Consequently, God, through these incidents, inspires me to seek help from someone in times of spiritual distress. The assurance of ‘…search, and you will find;…’ (Mt 7:7b) aids me to having faith in God, who will surely, according to His divine plan, appoint someone to come my way and help me to discern well. Having reflected upon the qualities of a Spiritual Director, I draw three essential qualities that are necessary for this role:

1. A Person of Integrated Holiness

2. A Person of Deep Prayer Life

3. A Good Listener

AN ONGOING PROCESS REVEALING GOD’S WILL

I genuinely feel that the state of self-righteous boasting does not allow me to assume greater responsibilities. It leads me to prioritize my superficial wants (kamna), creates conflict between ‘doing God’s will’ and ‘doing what I want,’ (nitya-anitya vastu vivekah / neer-kshir vivekah) and ultimately takes me to a mode of unexamined- worthless living. According to Fr. Joe Mannath, it is the Spiritual Direction that helps us resolve this difference and to pursue our real goal: ‘Discerning God’s Will and Inspiration. I personally believe that it is in our willingness to act on God’s inspiration and our openness to share the struggles and joys of our spiritual journey that we become at ease with this process of Spiritual Direction and cultivate the willingness to continue with it. This is because it substantially and significantly serves the purpose of making us hear God’s heart, and eventually strengthens us to attain sound discernment in all walks of life under God’s providential care. I would love to conclude in the words of Psalmist, as he says,

“You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress; my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from deadly pestilence” (Ps 91:1-3).

✍ - Bro. Christson Gill (IMS, Delhi Province)